i do not like to be physically uncomfortable. when i have a headache, i take an advil. when i am having a baby, i get an epidural (this was no small feat in the netherlands where both of my children were born and 30% of women give birth at home.) i don’t understand people who run marathons or bike a million miles, despite blisters or cramps or just being tired. i only run when my children are headed into traffic or if someone is chasing me with an ax. actually, in my early 20’s, i did run the bay to breakers (san francisco’s 10k) once. between all the bands and the cheering and the popsicles and the costumes and the fact that it was so crowded you couldn’t go very fast, i had a great time. and on the way home, my roommate and i bumped into jerry brown, who was running for president at the time - but was not accompanied by any entourage or body guards - and he invited us back up to his converted victorian firehouse home that was a few blocks from our apartment for a chat. i ended up volunteering for his campaign and it sparked my  interest in politics. overall, it was a pretty amazing day and i thought i had discovered a hidden running talent in myself. two days later, i tried to go running again… but without the entire city cheering me on and handing me treats, i realized that i actually do not like to run at all. i do exercise a bit because i am vain. i take classes at the bar method a couple of times a week - it is air conditioned in there and the teachers are funny and i have a range of strategies for getting through class: i only use the 2 pound weights (perhaps this is why i still have “dinner lady arms” where the bits between your elbow and armpit flap too readily when you wave,) i almost never do the challenges, i go to the bathroom if there is more than ten minutes left for the tummies (if i go earlier, i just really had to go,) i only accidentally take the level 2 classes and i count stuff: boob jobs, filled lips, tattoos and pig tails - you’d be surprised at how many women in their forties still tie their hair up like school girls.) 

when i am cold, i turn up the heat. when i am hot, i seek out air conditioning. when i am hungry, i eat. this all may seem basic, but the boulders i live with regularly forgo all kinds of comfort. 

when i was trying to get pregnant, i did go on a diet under the direction of dr. wu, a chinese fertility specialist, on clement street in san francisco. the premise was only to eat “warm” foods that are easy to digest so your body has more energy to get pregnant. so i wasn’t supposed to eat fresh fruit or raw vegetables or wheat or dairy or caffeine or sugar or pretty much anything beyond meat, rice and some limited cooked vegetables. there was an amazing chinese restaurant (eliza’s) around the corner from us, but there’s only so much chinese food a girl can appreciate. i realized that most of what i like to eat is “cold,” according to dr. wu, and i was miserable. after a few weeks of this restricted eating i started sobbing in dr. wu’s office… “i am STARVING! all i can think about is food! i NEED something else to eat dr. wu!” she capitulated and offered me avocados… i went directly to the market and ate five of them one after the other. and then i just started cheating. i kept waiting for her to notice that i was drinking coffee and eating brownies when she checked my tongue and felt my pulse, but she didn’t mention it. she also didn’t pick up on the fact that i had stopped waving the herb cigar around my ankles and knees and wrists while naked. i don’t remember why i was supposed to be naked when i did this, but my victorian apartment was pretty drafty so i would drape a thin blanket over my goose bumped body. one night some little embers fell off the cigar and burned holes in my pretty blanket and that was it for me with the cigar. i did, eventually, get pregnant through IVF, but i continued to see dr. wu for the acupuncture and cupping … i was too superstitious to shake things up too much (this was before gwyneth was walking the red carpet with cupping hickies and i had never heard of it before and no one in dr. wu's office gave me a head's up about the markings - i was pretty shocked by the pepperonis covering my back when i took a shower that first evening!)

i have not been on a diet since. i did go on the requisite hippie retreat at the chopra center the summer after my divorce and i learned how to make green smoothies and meditate. i still make my smoothies (the vitamix was a fortune so i feel like i HAVE to use it!) but i drink them in addition to my scrambled eggs, not instead of them. i never want to be hungry again.

so you can imagine how well i handled it a few weeks ago when the temperature in boulder soared to the 90’s and the air conditioning in BOTH my car and my house was out. it felt like bangladesh everywhere i went. hank and i were continually sucking on ice cubes and inviting ourselves over to other people’s cool (i.e. civilized) houses. we could only go on walks very early in the morning and after the sun went down. this didn’t really work with my pajama schedule… i like to get jammied right after dinner if i am not going out and i’m not quite eccentric enough to walk around the neighborhood in my jams. we also had to open the windows and back door and a lot of fresh air and nature got into my house. by nature, i mean about a billion dried blossoms from the apple tree in my backyard and loads of giant horseflies and spiders. i like to look at the nature, but generally prefer it to stay outside. i must say though, for someone who never played sports with a tool like a bat or a racquet, i am amazing with a fly swatter. sometimes i even double fist it and take them out like a jedi. anyway, when the AC man finally came to my house, i learned that you are supposed to have the filters changed every THREE months… danged home maintenance! this is why i am really meant to live in an apartment, with a super, so i don’t have to keep track of all this stuff. the AC in my car was fixed as well…and it turns out there were a lot of other things that needed to be dealt with on my car too - brake pads, some other kind of filters and fluid changes… danged car maintenance! this is why i am really meant to live somewhere with a subway. but we are all sorted out and cooled down now. and i realized that if you want to stay comfortable, it’s good to keep an organized maintenance schedule of all the things in your house and car that contribute to that comfort.

 to read more about my particularities click here