(the boulder creek fest)

every memorial day weekend in boulder there is the “creek fest” which features lots of food trucks, bouncy castles, bungee jumping, henna, face painting, artsy vendors and “bossy” vendors who give nutritional, political, environmental, parental, etc advice. every year i think i like the idea of a festival and every year i forget how fucking HOT it gets. this year we were obligated to go because lucy’s awesome dance troop, streetside, was performing.

i sunscreened right out of the shower and smartly threw on a loose fitting sundress i bought a while ago but hadn’t yet worn… i was pretty excited when i found it in my closet. i didn’t want to be uncomfortable so i pasted on those little “boobies” that my friend kate hudson told me about (via people.com) avoiding the bother of a bra. i packed a water bowl for hank, strapped him into his harness and felt pretty prepared for a nice, sunny afternoon at the creek festival. i was so pleased that we even got there early enough to pick up some tacos before the performance… i don’t do well when i get overly hungry.

(kate being interviewed about “what’s in her bag” … she always carries BOOBIES!)

and then things started to go upside down. there were no tables or chairs so i had to sit with hank and my tacos right on the grass (i had NOT thought to bring a picnic blanket even though i just got one for mother’s day) in the aggressive, relentless sun. hank was super interested in the tacos and pulling at his leash. he was NOT interested in his water even though he was panting like a maniac. i started getting worried so i dumped his water on his back to try and cool him down. he does NOT like getting wet and in all the kerfuffle it turns out i also splashed a good bit of the water on the little girl sitting in front of us. she looked at me like i had just run over her grandmother and i felt HORRIBLE (it reminded me of when i was nine months pregnant with my first child [totally inexperienced] and was babysitting a french, eighteen month old overnight for friends. i was a disaster - late with dinner - who can keep up with a FRENCH mama’s cooking? and then i gave her a COLD bath because i was afraid of scalding her and she just kept crying out, “j’ai FROID, j’ai FROID” = “i’m cold, i’m cold.” the kicker was when i couldn’t find the ONE passy she wanted - the other forty-seven were not doing the trick and she looked at me with the same sad, HUGE eyes as the little girl i splashed.) and then i saw one of my “boobies” in the grass… i quickly snatched it up and began trying to track down the other “booby” before it also escaped. as i’m reaching down my dress i realize that i am tinted blue all over. apparently the indigo dye from my dress had not properly set and i was starting to resemble a smurf.

(here we are at the creek fest)

finally, the performance ended and lucy approached me and hank with a gang of girls. she didn’t want any of the tacos that i was never able to finish but she was pretty parched from dancing in the heat. i was relieved to have a cold water bottle in my bag (tip top mom!), but when i handed it to her, one of my “boobies” was stuck to the side. thank goodness she is in middle school and NEVER gets embarrassed by me.

at this point hank and i were pretty fed up and needed to get our blue selves out of there (he was even a little cobalt from sitting right next to me.) we raced home, cranked up the AC, pulled down the shades and ate several strawberry popsicles. we did not emerge from the house again until the sun had safely set.

* THREE showers (and LOTS of scrubbing) later i am still pretty blue. and so is my sofa where i like to sit AND my sheets. theo thinks i am making this all up but he is colorblind so i don’t think his opinion is relevant. i’m pretty sad about my dress - i really like it but i don’t think i can risk another blue suntan. unless i decide to join the blue man group - i am not even sure if they have one in denver. although it’s probably not a good idea as i DID see them in NY in my twenties and i was not a big fan. i had a pretty bad head cold (this was decades before the pandemic when we just carried on with our Iives even when we were sick) and had taken a lot of medicine. of course i fell asleep and when i woke up i was spotlit and one of the blue men was crouching over me with a roll of toilet paper about to TP me to my seat. i growled at him not to even consider it and i think i left at intermission… so probably not a good fit.

(this is just how i looked except i’m in my fifties, my hair is brown and my suntan was BLUE!)

(i don’t think i want to work with these guys…)