(hank snuggled up by the fire)
even after eleven years in boulder, i am always caught off guard by the weather. this year we had a stunning, temperate fall with outrageous rainbow colored trees and then POOF - the wind rolled through, the leaves fell down and we got this freezing sleet/rain/snow with temps in the low thirties. my body just could not process the drastic change (hank’s didn’t have to as he simply refused to go outside) and i was FREEZING, despite my hat, scarf and jacket.
Read Morehalloween is one of my least favorite holidays… i don’t like bloody stuff or getting scared or being out in the cold - more than once we’ve had halloween SNOW here in boulder - or staying up too late. (one year lucy got the barfing flu and she could not go trick or treating - i have to say i was so HAPPY to stay home and just hand out candy - she wasn’t feeling TOO bad. it WAS a little unnerving because i wasn’t sure i should let her rest on the sofa in case she threw up again, but other than that nagging concern it was the BEST halloween!) i DO like candy and i LOVE seeing my kids dressed up (as long as there is no blood or wounds or axes or spooky masks.) unfortunately, they don’t appreciate when i weigh in on their costumes anymore… PRAISE JESUS i have hank.
Read More(baby hank at his first birthday)
hank celebrated his fourth birthday last week…he’s TWENTY-EIGHT in dog years. this year his birthday fell on yom kippur… that’s a bit of a bummer because it’s not the most festive day (it’s “the day of atonement” in judaism.) the morning before, he skipped his breakfast. i can’t tell you how unusual that is so i thought maybe he was fasting a day early in order to get yom out of the way so we could properly celebrate on his special day. or maybe he was just being really cagey. of course, the fact that he wasn’t eating made me super worried so i scrambled him some eggs to entice him. he DID happily eat those. i forgot about his food bowl full of kibble and left for a meeting. when i returned he had eaten that too, so ultimately he had TWO breakfasts.
Read Morei spent the last few days with my dad… my mother went to “quilt camp” for the week with her quilting girlfriends as she has done for probably the last thirty years and i came out to berkeley to keep my father company for the weekend (i am so HAPPY that flying is an option now!) it is strange to be in the house without mom… we always have our coffee together early morning which she prepares in her very fancy, complicated machine - dad does not drink coffee - and sit at the kitchen table chatting. so i had to make my own coffee with her machine that is as fragile as an orchid and as demanding as a toddler. the first day the machine cooperated nicely which made me feel really competent and possibly a bit cocky. but the second day panic set in as he refused to carry on after i pressed the cappuccino button and red lights started flashing. i thought the little drawing was indicating that he was low on beans, but when i opened the top, there were loads of them in there. finally i realized that i was meant to empty the grounds. this is tricky as the large, flat pan is also full of mucky water that you don’t want to spill as you awkwardly make your way to the sink. finally i got everything dumped and reinstalled and then more red lights were pinging at me… this time he was low on water. HAY SEUS! he makes really good coffee but needs so much attention (this is why i have a VERY simple drip maker) and honestly this one is a VAST improvement from her last machine who was even more finicky and difficult to understand. that one had to go to the shop for detailed repair a few times before he was finally put down. my mother mourned him deeply until she brought this current guy home. she does not have pets, but caring for this coffee machine is far more consuming than feeding and cuddling with hank.
Read Morewhenever my dad cannot find a term or phrase that adequately expresses what he wants to say, he just makes one up. i grew up being told to, “sit up straight and stop SLUNCHING!” at the table or asked whether i was going to finish the “dritzel” on my plate - the last of my sauce or remains of my dinner or received announcements that someone was a “GROMP” … very unpleasant, far worse than a “grump.” (he is generally very communicative and if for some reason he cannot speak - like when my mother is saying something - he does not dare interrupt her - he finds another way. he frequently stands about a foot and a half behind her chair at the kitchen table and indicates how he feels with his eyes - he makes outrageous faces while my mother is speaking which sends my children into peals of laughter. about twenty five years ago he had his jaw wired shut for many weeks after a throat surgery and had to physically write down what he wanted to share on a yellow legal pad. my mom thought he would be spare and discriminating in what he wrote because it took more effort… instead he filled notepad after notepad with ALL of his thoughts and ideas both deep and trivial. and he made sure my mother read every single one in real time.)
Read Moreeach summer when we return to boulder from our long stay in california i have “reentry” problems… i feel jumbled and foggy and a bit overwhelmed. so i have developed a (compulsive?) process of restoration that helps me adjust back to my boulder life - basically i CLEAN everything. i start with the laundry, of course. the last two summers we have road tripped to berkeley and back (the first summer because of the corona and this summer because hank can’t fly anymore… he used to travel as an “emotional support” dog but all the airlines changed the rules as people started bringing “therapeutic” peacocks and donkeys on their flights. hank is too big for the carrier you can keep at your feet and with his smush face it’s not safe for him to be placed in the underbelly of the plane so the only way to get him to california is to drive.) even if we leave the west coast with suitcases full of clean clothes, after a week in the car we have tons of dirty stuff. this may take several wash loads, which gives me time to clean out the dressers and pull all the items that are too small or otherwise deemed unnecessary. this year i was delighted to realize that i’d sorted through the dressers and closets right before we left so i could put the clean clothes back straight away.
Read More(hank by lisa stamm)
i met lisa stamm in my twenties when we were tottering around new york city in impractically high heels, drinking martinis, going to gallery openings and late night parties, brunching on sundays and having pre children adventures. she introduced me to my first husband at a champagne bar, did my make up at my wedding and supported me through all kinds of milestones and changes. she has been an incredible friend and i have known her a long time. but i had no idea that she is an artist. about two years ago i was scrolling through my facebook feed and saw a soulful, impassioned pencil drawing of a beagle that she shared and was completely captivated. i was not alone. lisa received such a big response to the tribute drawing she had done of her beloved dog, scooby that for the first time she considered taking commissions. and so began the pet project shop.
Read More(hank anxiously contemplating going on a walk)
despite having the absolute best of intentions hank and i have been having a bit of a setback with our walks and exercise routine. after hearing from his doctor that he really needed to lose some weight (i think MY doctor might recommend the same for me given that my candy intake has remained steady - i DID just receive the most gorgeous box of see’s scotchmallows from a dear friend for valentine’s - and my exercise has NOT because my bar studio closed) we intended to make a real effort to take regular, rigorous walks.
Read More(it’s a new dawn… hot pink sunrise from a few days ago)
today at the start of my writing group we had a check in. for the first time in about a year i said, “i think i’m okay.” it felt weird to articulate that but i DO actually feel pretty okay. i am still watching the news, but not nearly so much. every time i turn it on biden is doing something helpful and normal. his awesome press secretary is polite and informative (and has the most gorgeous red hair) and of course i am just delighted every time kamala makes a speech… i might have mentioned that she and i attended the same elementary school!
Read More(fireworks over the white house on inauguration night; photo: nbc news)
for the past several months my brain has felt like a kaleidoscope - loads of tiny fragments of intentions and obligations and responsibilities and information that i think i am about to get a handle on and then someone twists the cylinder just a tiny bit or A LOT and i am left scrambling to understand the new design. between the pandemic and homeschooling and the kids going back to school and homeschooling again and BLM and the election and the capital riots and my classes and my work it’s been difficult for me to keep it all straight.
Read Morehere are the proper images of the gezellig article i wrote for the boulder county home + garden winter edition… wishing you all a super cozy holiday season! x0xx
Read Moreas we all struggle through this crazy global pandemic, we are missing the ability to travel and experience the customs and traditions of other cultures. i had so much fun writing this article for boulder county home+ garden about dutch “gezellig” (coziness) and remembering our time living as ex-pats in amsterdam. all three of my sweeties made it into this piece (hank and my darling children) as well as my living room! MANY THANKS (as always) to heather knierim of HBK photography for the lovely photos! wishing you all loads of gezellig as we all bunker down this winter… HAPPY, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! x0x0xx
Read Moreas if a global pandemic and quarantine and the whole country feeling like the apocalypse isn’t stressful enough, today i made my children pose for the holiday card… (our poppies are in FULL bloom and i couldn’t help myself.) they always look so forward to this photo shoot and were absolutely GRATEFUL that i suggested it (i’m a thoughtful, FUN mama like that.) i DID have to use the full force of my diminishing strength (since i can’t go to my bar method classes) to pull my son off the sofa and detach him from the Xbox and i didn’t even try to get him to change out of his corona comfort clothes (no one really knows how many days he’s been in them) - i just matched lucy’s outfit to his - but i could tell by the warm snarl on his face that he was thrilled. i ALSO had to promise them dunkin’ donuts AND frozen custard from the good times drive thru which is a much richer offer than i usually extend, but i really didn’t want to miss the poppies.
Read Morei’m not going to lie… the last couple of weeks have been completely BANANAS and overwhelming. living through a pandemic alone is pretty unsettling what with the social distancing and the COOKING and the home schooling. then there is the election and all the news that logically i shouldn’t watch because it’s all so crazy but i am the worst kind of rubbernecker where i have it on all the time so i don’t miss anything but really i just want to miss ALL of it. then when we finally got into a home schooling rhythm (which wasn’t smooth by the way - lucy and i both cried over her fractions several times a week. sometimes i had to email her teacher that she was missing the google meet because we needed a minute to collect ourselves and wash our faces and eat some chocolate. PRAISE JESUS that unit is over!) our district announced that the kids are going back - lucy FULL time and theo one day a week. i know the people who manage the schools and these decisions are doing their very best but it felt like a BIG leap to go from nothing to four days a week for lu. of course, i am thrilled that they can do some live learning and i AM relieved that we got through so many months of online schooling and my children are still alive. that was a valid concern for me - EVERY time you read about a mother who drove her kids into a lake, she is ALWAYS a home schooler.
Read Morethe other day my son inadvertently changed my life forever. we were sitting around and he took a selfie of us, but when he showed it to me we were in “anime” like a japanese cartoon. i have to say… we looked AMAZING… especially me. my eyes were huge, i had no wrinkles, my neck was perfectly smooth, you couldn’t tell that my hair was frizzy or that i was in my jams and i was even a bit tan. i couldn’t believe it.
Read Morehank just turned THREE years old (twenty-one in dog years.) we were feeling very remiss as last september we did not have a proper party so we wanted to make sure we celebrated even though we’re in the middle of a pandemic.
Read More"say, say, oh playmate,
come out and play with me
and bring your dollies three
climb up my apple tree
slide down my rain barrel
into my cellar door
and we'll be jolly friends
forever more, 1-2-3-4"
when i was little, i was desperate for an apple tree like the one in my favorite hand clapping song. i also wanted a rain barrel, although i wasn’t really sure what that was. forty years later, i do have a great, big, sweeping apple tree in my backyard. my tree has a beautiful, twisted, architectural trunk with a hole the perfect size for hiding easter eggs, it makes lots of shade (crucial for a fair-skinned mama living in a town that bumps up against the sun,) in the winter, the way the snow lands on the branches is right out of fairy tale, it’s covered in lacy, white blossoms in the spring, and every other year or so, my tree grows apples in the late summer.
Read Morewe just had our first blizzard in boulder… in typical colorado fashion we went straight from summer to winter, with only an afternoon of fall. i never get used to the roller coaster weather here. i am never prepared with the right size snow boots for the kids or snow pants that fit properly or matching pairs of mittens. at best, i get a whiff of the cow poo smell (which is a pretty reliable snow predictor - i don’t know why) and i have a few hours to get ready. at worst, i wake up and the yard is all white and i have to scurry around and see how i can outfit the kids in some collection of warm clothes before school starts. we are usually late on this first snow day… i just always expect there will be that third season before the snow comes and even after seven years here, i haven’t learned to check the weather.
Read Morebecause the scenery on our road trip from colorado to california was so uninspiring, we decided to take a different route back in hopes of seeing lots of ocean and even those elusive, giant red rocks. we left our darling cottage at the crack of dawn and hopped on highway 1, the road that follows the coastline, to take us to los angeles. my kids had been questioning why we were traveling a way that would add hours to our journey, but as soon as we hit half moon bay, they understood. it was a LONG day (we were in the car for ELEVEN hours) but my heart was swelling as we traced the coast and viewed the pacific in all of its iterations: rocky cliffs, pebbled beaches, sandy dunes… we detoured in pebble beach and took the 17 mile drive - breathtaking! my girlfriend grew up there so we had her on the phone narrating our journey as we drove through pebble and carmel. she directed us to the most adorable sweet shop on ocean avenue (it was still too early to go in, but we are determined to return!)
Read More
