family
there are few things in this world as disgusting as raisins. they look like droppings, get stuck in your teeth (marring your smile and causing cavities) and are notorious for popping up in all kinds of baked goods (scones, muffins, cookies) that should only have chocolate chips. and unfortunately, because of their size and color, raisins sometimes appear to be chocolate, which is a terrible surprise for the unsuspecting consumer.
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(i LIVED for this magazine and was over the moon when my favorite hardy boy graced the cover)
one of the best things about lucy teaching me how to use spotify is poking around on there and rediscovering songs i haven’t thought about it in ages. a few weeks ago i stumbled upon shaun cassidy’s “da doo ron ron” and i was just beside myself. i was a HUGE shaun cassidy fan… i had his signature album, of course, that i played ad nauseam and i also had his poster on my wall that i kissed whenever i entered my room. he is ten years older than me and i was sure that when i became the appropriate age our paths would cross and i would sail off into the sunset with him. we DID have a brief correspondence at the height of my affections… i sent him this heartfelt letter and i got a postcard back with his autograph (stamped, not actual) so i felt like he knew i was out there waiting for our lives to begin.
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the summer before my lucy started middle school she wanted to buy new school clothes. in the past, i typically just dipped into the girls’ section on a target run and picked up dresses and leggings and tees in bright colors that featured unicorns, rainbows, hearts and glitter. i loved selecting happy outfits for her and she was always delighted with what i brought home. this time, however, she wanted to come along and weigh in on everything. at first i thought it might be fun.
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(theo at his bar mitzvah)
i am reposting my story about yom kippur on this sacred jewish day… l’shana tov! x0x
this week is yom kippur, the day of atonement in the jewish religion. while i never converted, i am raising my children in the faith of their father (with santa and the bunny thrown in) and i have spent more time in temple than i have in any other religious setting. i have hosted loads of seders, rosh hashana dinners and break fasts (i can cook all of the holiday food, except brisket - my brisket is TERRIBLE - so we have roast chicken instead), i know a fair bit of the prayers, or at least the tunes and i have a general understanding of the fundamentals of the religion.
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the summer before my lucy started middle school she wanted to buy new school clothes. in the past, i typically just dipped into the girls’ section on a target run and picked up dresses and leggings and tees in bright colors that featured unicorns, rainbows, hearts and glitter. i loved selecting happy outfits for her and she was always delighted with what i brought home. this time, however, she wanted to come along and weigh in on everything. at first i thought it might be fun.
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(hank contemplating the sweet new year…)
on the jewish calendar, the new year, rosh hashanah, is celebrated in the fall. this timing has always resonated with me as it is the start of the school year and a change of season into fresh, brisk, invigorating weather (although here in boulder the school year now starts in mid AUGUST which is just bananas!) wishing you all a bright, peaceful new year… l'shana tova! x0x
we lost our gg in february 2020 … just before everything shut down with the corona. attending her service was the last “normal” thing i did before we all bunkered in and started leaving our mail out to degerm, soaking ourselves in off brand hand sanitizer because people were hoarding purell (AND toilet paper and rice and flour and sugar), wearing hazmat suits to costco and walking our dogs seventeen times a day. i am eternally grateful gg missed all that, along with the fear and heartbreak and isolation. but losing her was still devastating.
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(roșie în one of her donut beds)
i stay in pretty close touch with my parents… i typically call home each morning after dropping the kids at school so we can chat on my ten minute drive home. we do a quick check in on what’s going on with my work or my children or hank or the bananas weather of boulder or what’s happening in the bay area. but for the last month these calls have been dominated by the “rosie report.” i hear about how the night went - did rosie stay in her donut bed or sneak out and rest her head right next to my father’s on his pillow? did she do both kinds of business on her first walk of the day or need to make another potty after breakfast? did she get on her hind legs and dance before dinner the night before or keep all four feet on the floor? which neighbors did my parents run into on her various walks and what are they up to? how many times did she nap during the day and where? (she has her special spots: curled up on the blue upholstered sofa in the living room when my father is reading/napping there, my mother’s lounge chair in her sewing room where rosie waits for mom to come in with her morning coffee, on the cool tiles of the fireplace hearth when it’s super warm, on the fuzzy blanket between my parents on the sofa in the TV room when they watch the news before bed…)
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when we first moved to boulder from amsterdam twelve years ago, i was a complete fish out of water. i had a baby and a pre schooler, no family, no mama friends, no ocean and no interest in running marathons or participating in iron men races or juice fasting or wearing exercise clothes - all things de rigueur for most boulders. (i am STILL a bit of a fish out of water and i still don’t have an ocean or family here and i will NEVER put myself through a fast - except when my next colonoscopy rolls around - but i DO have amazing friends, both mama and otherwise and i DO have two pairs of lulu pants and two pairs of athleta leggings and one pair of running sneakers that i DO wear for brief periods a few times a week.) i was really discombobulated and overwhelmed and homesick for fog and rain and urban living and something that felt more familiar. and then we discovered brasserie ten ten.
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i spent a significant portion of my childhood trying to convince my parents to get a dog. i didn’t understand until years later that this was always going to be a fruitless endeavor as my brother has severe allergies to anything furry. probably to deflect my desperate campaign, my father, who grew up in minneapolis and was a HUGE vikings fan, told me that if the vikings won the super bowl we could get a puppy. each fall my heart was full of hope and i cheered and supported and rallied behind those guys in purple and gold and each year i was terribly disappointed. they actually went to the super bowl FOUR times (’70, ’74, ’75 and ’77) and LOST each time. those years were definitely the hardest and i am just realizing might be why i really don’t care for purple or yellow. i don’t know what my father would have done if they had actually pulled it off because there was always the issue of my brother. maybe he understood, after rooting for them for decades that it was never going to happen. to date, it STILL hasn’t!
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for the last ten years my kids have been attending a jewish summer camp in berkeley called kee tov. it is a day camp but it seems to have the feeling of a sleep away camp in that the same kids return each year and they get SUPER bonded. the result has been that both of my children have a whole gang of friends they look forward to seeing in california every summer. kee tov is pretty amazing… all of the counselors are really energetic and enthusiastic and creative. they do all kinds of crazy things that i would NEVER do with my kids like taking them out into the woods to sleep on the GROUND and get really dirty or “messy day” when they squirt them up with paint and whip cream and chocolate syrup and who knows what else and they get so dirty they come home in GARBAGE BAGS or swimming in lakes (that are inherently dirty!) i am realizing that there is a dirty theme here. they also have all kinds of adventures in the bay area: rafting down the american river, ice skating in oakland, riding roller coasters at six flags, treasure hunting in san francisco’s china town and tromping through all the parks and outdoor spaces within a fifty mile radius (where they also get really dirty.)
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this is the girl i love most. she is funny and kind and smart and determined and stubborn and SUPER spicy and exhausting and creative and empathetic and really the most WONDERFUL one. i look so forward to witnessing all of the adventures she’s going to have and hearing about the thoughts she’s going to think and celebrating the milestones she’s going to leap over (although i DO wish she would stop growing up and just stay my little girl forever.) but now, as of friday, june 24, 2022, in many parts of the united states, she’s going to have less rights than half the population. and so will all of the girls you love most too.
(the OG girls road tripping team)
the last couple of summers we have driven to california for our annual visit… first because of the corona and then because hank is no longer allowed to fly as an “emotional support” dog, which is BANANAS because if i hadn’t had him around during this pandemic and all the crazy things that have happened in the world the last few years i don’t know that i would have held onto my sanity at all. we have journeyed in different configurations… sometimes my first husband has accompanied us, sometimes it’s been me and the kids (and hank, of course!) but this is the first time it’s just been us girls, me and lu (AND hank, of course.)
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(cherry blossoms from a tree in north boulder park)
today is the first day of summer here in boulder. yesterday was the final day of school for the boulder valley school district so last evening when we walked hank through the park across the street - the park that is the center of our neighborhood - where kids first learn to swing and do monkey bars, where there are lots of trees to climb, but one famous one called “the climbing tree” because the branches are spaced so perfectly that children can get to heights that take their mothers’ breath away, where kids and adults alike play basketball or kickball on the baseball field or baseball on the baseball field, where there are outdoor dance classes and concerts and races and picnics and, of course, celebrations, which is what was happening last night. there were families celebrating eighth grade graduation, fifth grade graduation, kindergarten completion… there were taco trucks and ice cream trucks and music and it was pretty wonderful. but there was an underlying wariness because we had a DOOZY of a week.
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(vintage postcard from california)
the end of the school year is always just BANANAS… there are so many band concerts and dance performances and award nights and TESTS and teacher appreciation weeks and concluding events from activities both in and outside of school that it is REALLY hard to keep track of it all. some days we’ve had more than one thing… racing from lucy’s hip hop performance to theo’s band banquet (i’d messed up the time for that one and thought we had an hour in between… we DIDN’T. the band thing was so interesting though because the first part was a dinner in the cafeteria and i felt like an anthropologist observing all the different groups of kids - what they were wearing, how they interacted, the ease of the seniors versus the restraint of the underclassmen… generally, they looked a lot like we did in the late 80’s - high waisted jeans with big hightop sneakers and thick socks, giant sweatshirts… we had bigger bangs and more colorful make up while they were sporting MUCH smaller tank tops and faces twinkling with “highlighter” but it was the same general vibe and i loved seeing them.)
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when theo was about three, an old friend of my first husband came to visit us in amsterdam. he was and is quite a character - a serious new yorker who looks like a rockstar but with a sweetie heart. he was hilarious with theo because he talked to him like an adult and by the end of his visit theo was tweaking his outfits and looked like he could be a drummer for guns n’ roses. on the last morning, after watching us dance around theo while serving him breakfast, first’s friend said, “WOW! that kid is front and center…FRONT AND CENTER!” and he was right.
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(half californian…)
for whatever reason it was not easy for me to get pregnant. i used thermometers and ovulation kits and “planned” and “relaxed” and went to the terrifying dr. wu for acupuncture and smelly herbs and ultimately created embryos via IVF with the incredible dr. cedars of U.C.S.F. these two were actually from the same batch but lu was frozen for four years. (only recently did she understand that she was NOT tucked up next to the mint chip ice cream at home but was in a freezer at the doctor’s office.) i think that’s why they look so much alike. lucy considers them twins. theo does not buy into that and feels 100% like an older brother. i am just so GRATEFUL that fertility science was advanced enough sixteen years ago that dr. cedars could help us bring these two into the world. i am GRATEFUL to all of the amazing people who supported us through that super intense process that entailed coordinating drugs and doctors from two countries (they were both born in the netherlands even though they began in san francisco.) and i am GRATEFUL to the legions of people: our kraamy, my dutch baby group, the godparents, the grandparents, the fairy godparents, the aunties and uncles, the babysitters, the teachers and the beloved friends who have helped us nurture and support them. i cannot imagine my life without these two half californian, half new yorker monkeys with a big splash of dutch and even some coloradan (i DID just get a tread and the accompanying attire like a real boulder mom) thrown in. they are everything. HAPPY, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! x0x0x
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(my first teacher… he is german!)
so… i FINALLY got on my tread! it had been so long since the guys came to set it up that i couldn’t remember how to turn it on. turns out the BIG red button that says, “STOP” is also the start button, which is totally non sensical. i wanted to ease into my tread so i chose a ten minute “walk” that was really meant as a cool down. for some reason my teacher was speaking in german. he was actually yelling in german (i accidentally had the volume turned up super high and it also took a long while to find the control buttons for that) in a very happy, encouraging way. i don’t know what he was saying but i just tried to do what he was doing, except when he stretched his arms up - i was too afraid to let go of the sides… i’ve watched many episodes of the jetsons and i know that walking on a tread can get out of control.
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this is one of those crazy years where passover and easter fall on the same weekend, which means A LOT of cooking for me! i am reposting my mother’s easter recipes for mushroom crust quiche and easter buns because they are super comforting and yummy and delicious. HAPPY, HAPPY EASTER chckies!*! x0x
my whole life there have been two essential easter recipes served at our brunch: my mother’s mushroom crust quiche and her easter buns. they are both a little trashy… the quiche has smashed up saltines in the crust and the buns are made with the dough that comes in a can you bang on the counter to pop open. but they are both delicious. the quiche (or KWEE-CHEE as theo used to call it) LOOKS a little more elegant, but the buns are never pretty. the filling always squirts out and the jam slides around so they are just a mess. i have tried and tried to clean them up to no avail. when new people come for easter, they usually bypass them on the buffet and i have to force them to try one… no one has ever been disappointed. AND they are both still yummy, cold, the next morning as leftovers. happy, happy easter all! x0xx
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we were still in amsterdam over passover this year, so we had a belated seder dinner this weekend. seders are a big deal to prepare… there’s all of the components of the seder plate, which depending on where you live, can be difficult to come by. in new york, all of the markets suddenly dedicate at least two aisles to passover related groceries in the week leading up to the holiday. in amsterdam, you would never know passover is happening. i had to roast a drumstick our first year living there because i couldn’t make the butcher understand the lamb shank. also, there is no matzo meal, only matzo crackers. in order to make matzo ball soup, i had to first grind up the crackers myself with a rolling pin. it was like little house on the jewish prairie in my amsterdam apartment. horseradish, also, is not easy to find. for that i would have to go to what we referred to as the "expat black market.” it’s a tiny shop on leidesgracht that caters to homesick american and british expats. the prices are outrageous, but it’s often the only place to get a crucial ingredient… a can of libby’s, libby’s, libby’s pumpkin, for example, is typically about ten euros around thanksgiving! so for a shiksa raising my children jewish (the faith of their father), seders can be a challenge, especially when we were living in the netherlands.
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